up until now i still got an exam to study for, heaps of projects to do and still my mind is in a whirlwind of chaos of things to accomplish. back tracking earlier this week, i can't seem to keep up with time. i sleep too late and jumpstart early in the morning with nothing but assignments in my mind. and though i want to find time for myself it just seems that i don't have the right to. that if i did some kind of treaty would be crossed, some natural law shattered.

stopping midway is always so convenient to think of. leaving things undone is so inviting, so encouraging, and at times you almost always fall prey to the idea. but before you know it, you end up starting from block 1. and i have thought time and again why i always had the penchant for start-restarting. why i never learn. is there a remedy for this? no. ive asked and answered this myself a hundred times. because only you can fix yourself. you are your own remedy for your own demise.

and me? well, i guess as much as i know this fact, i'm also annoyed at the idea that i'm too comfortable with myself, too comfortable with the fact that there'll always be chances to start all over again. because i know that there's always that 'try again' point. what i don't wanna see is that there are hundreds of other buttons that doesn't exist here, like 'rewind', 'pause', or 'fast forward'. and then again the idea of never ever getting to that the 'safe zone' scares the heck out of me. is that weird? you're comfortable and scared at the same time. but i guess that's the only proof that i'm still human, the only proof that i'm not some mind controlled freak that always gets from point a to point b. the only problem left is really deciding whether this is a good thing or a bad thing. :p